My life has been a roller coaster ride till last year. One moment my hands were full and with a blink everything was gone. I never had a successful career though I graduated from the top University of USA. After coming back to India, I got jobs which are not at all related to what I had done in the USA. I started my own company but it turns out to be a failure too. I shut it down and moved back to the USA with my husband. I was newly wed at that time, It was an arrange marriage but late marriage, so tremendous pressure was there on both sides and on top of it my expectation from this move was that I might get a chance to start my career again by enrolling myself into the Ph.D. course. I tried very hard to get an admission but bad luck was not ready to leave my side and I didn’t get admission.
I always follow a mantra in my life, ” Everything is happening for a reason and that too for a good one.” I got pregnant after 4 months of marriage defying all odds of late marriage and being a thyroid patient (as mentioned by the elderly people and few doctors) but that little strike of sunshine also took over by dark clouds, I miscarried in the second month. I tried to be happy in front of my hubby but cried in the dark nights when he was fast asleep.
Days became months and then years. Two years passed, during these 2 years I changed my field and did some IT courses, training, and certifications. We started planning a baby and I met my Gynaecologist. She told me I am suffering from hidden depression and if I did not come out of it, it will take me to a suicidal point.
The whole night I was awake and crying, ” What is the purpose of my life, before marriage I was a burden on my parents and now on my husband. I decided to jump from the window of my apartment but someone held my hand, I turned around and I saw a little girl with tears in her eyes. She said, ” Please don’t kill me, we both will fight with this demonic darkness together. You are not alone.” Suddenly with the first ray of sun, I can see her clearly, she had my dad’s eye. That was the last time I cried as I knew that I am not alone, I have ME.
P.S.: I still do not have a job but I have ME. 🙂
– Nidhi GS (Gratitude)
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